So here is my list of 100 things that do not fail to make me smile. This list was started a little while ago, in a Top 6 style post. So here are the other 94. Feel free not to read at all, if indeed anyone is reading this at all... I thought it a fitting way to celebrate my longevity as a blogger! From the inane to the profound, the tasty to the tasteless.
Make no mistake, I am not really expecting anybody to read all this. I am writing it for myself (which is really the reason I blog in the first place), and so I have an easy reference point when shit goes down (and I am expecting a shit storm soon. the shit weatherman has told me so) and I really need to crack a smile.
1. Peeling the top off the butter - Simple joys. A bit like peeling off a label from a beer bottle, but more satisfying. And I can't really explain why...?
2. The change of tempo in Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out" - (previously blogged about here) This part of this song will always always always result in the stereo or headphones being cranked right up high, and I usually make the white man's overbite with unbridled joy. Such joy!!!
3. Clean pyjamas in clean sheets - When bedtime is just awesome, in a clean, non-entendre kind of way.
4. The bell on Friday at 3.15pm - This means that there are hours of time with diminished Boy Factory influence. Of course, there is no off position on the English Teacher switch. There is not really a bottom of the pile of things to do. But at least on the weekends, procrastination is just a little more guilt-free. Except in football season, when of course all attention goes to the Mighty U-14s...
5. Michael Cera's face
6. My dog realising I am holding the lead and leaping into the air with joy - Because he is a bit of a stupid dog. He does do stupid things. Like bang his head every time he walks past his kennel. Which might explain why he is so stupid... But he understands the signifyer of a human bending down to pick up his lead. It's WALKING TIME!!! Of course being a lazy lab, he gets about half way through the walk and wants to go home to his food bowl and his cushion...
7. Bad Puns - If the green pea rolls of the plate, it is an Escapee. If there are 2 old wooden buckets in a glass cabinet in a museum, they are Pails in Comparison.
A meal of roast lamb will no doubt result in comments of "feeling sheepish, aren't ewe?"
I have heard that the pun is meant to be the lowest form of humour. I wholeheartedly disagree. That honour lies with Two and a Half Men.
8. The Mysterious Ticking Noise - This video:
Catchy use of a metronome. Combination of Harry Potter characters AND puppets???! Gets me every time!
9. Red Mary-Janes - I know, I know, it is such a cliche for a girl to like shoes. But as far as addictions go, I am sure that this is slightly less expensive than cocaine. And perhaps a little better for the structural integrity of my nostrils. I mean, how many pairs is too many pairs? These ones I bought today:
10. The Mighty U-14s - Like the Mighty U-13s before them, I put a great deal of energy into these kiddies. Training once a week. A few hours on the weekends. I go in to battle to reclaim points that should never have been stolen. I organise extra matches against snooty private schools. I am somewhat vocal in my encouragement and instructions on the sideline... this sentence may be a slight understatement. I have been known to lose my voice due to this coaching style. I have been known to theatrically collapse onto my back when a well crafted attack fails at the last moment. When these kids try, they make me laugh and smile and giggle. They don't even need to win, they just need to give it a red hot go.
11. Mondegreens - Someone getting the lyrics wrong to a song is a delight. Especially when they are totally sure of themselves. Some of my favourites include:
- "I've got no towel! But I've got undies on! You're never gonna keep me down!", made famous by one-hit-wonder of the 90s, Chumbawamba. Apparently, all the rest of their songs are anarchist anthems...? (this one courtesy of a friend of Sparky's)
- "And I sold my soul with my cigarettes, to the black marching band" from Australia's favourite drinking song (from one of brightest yr 12 kiddies at The Boy Factory)
- "But to shower you with visits, would do you no good at all", which would make no sense from Powderfinger at all! (thanks little bro!)
For more of these little gems, look to kissthisguy.com, named after Jimi Hendrix... who was actually asking to be excused so he could "kiss the sky"...
12. Spaced - The greatest TV show ever created. Previously blogged about here. Also publicly loved by this lovely lass here. Launchpad to fame for director Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Scott Pilgrim etc), funny men Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Comedy gold, with a homage-a-meter!!
13. My girls - I have previously mentioned that many moons ago I directed a play called The Women. All female cast and crew, a labour of love that was so much hard work, and so much joy, that has continued through many many years. If I need a grin, these lasses will provide, no questions asked!!
14. Tshirts - I like to wear my sense of humour on my sleeve. Or on my heart and belly, really. Threadless is based in Chicago, and is a user-based internet success story. Any punter can be a member. Any member can submit a design, and fellow members rate the design out of 5. The highest rated get printed! There's two different kinds of designs, really. The arty ones that are aesthetic and fine - I think of them as the feathery ones. And the cartoony ones that are usually a visual pun, with more simplistic lines and colours. I like the latter better. JD wears Threadless tees on Scrubs. Todd sports them on The Gruen Transfer. I get a threadless-length tan line in summer. My favourite ones are:
The Communist Party (Karl Marx is my favourite) and 99 Luftbalons. I am on my second tshirt for both of these designs, having worn them til they disintegrated!
15. Tina Fey - I have a massive girl crush. Funniest chicka in the world. 30 Rock = comedy gold, and the moment when Sarah Palin was named as running for VP of the USA, she just must have rubbed her hands together with glee. "I can see Russia from my house!"
16. Blacks and Cans - yes, yes, I am a Drama Queen. T even bought me a mug that says so. I tend to lead a fairly dramatic life, and tend to overreact to things a little bit. And when I first got bitten by the theatre bug, it was all about being in the limelight, the centre of attention. All about the glory. But when I was about 15 I tried my hand at Stage Management. And have hardly looked back at all. From the first little hit of the production meetings and casting process, to hunting down a cheap crystal whiskey decanter. Mixing the poster glue. Burning the candle at both ends with mega-hours put in at bump in. Pandering to childish whims of actors. Giving notes that contradict the director. Handing out flyers in a foreign city. Grinning from ear to ear as the lights go down and the applause comes up. It is stressful and hectic and time consuming and not very glorious. But that little spark of knowledge that there is no way it could have been done without me is my own little moment of glory.
17. Personalised coffee art - The Toothie does the best coffee in West Bubblefuck. I have been a most loyal customer since I first returned back to town, based on their expert use of the oh so tasty Merlo beans. And when my doubleshot flat white is delivered with the spectacular coffee art by one Samantha Kelly, who wouldn't smile like a goose!
2340, 15 White Street, Tamworth NSW 2340
18. Brendon Burns - Australian comedian in exile. Yes, he is offensive. Yes, he is self-indulgent. But he remains my most favoured stand up comedian, which remains my most favoured art-form. Previously blogged about here, and now seen... seven times live? Wow. Groupie much?
19. The photo at the top of this blog - and the fact that the cloud looks like a racing snail, zooming across the sky! And the fact that I changed the photo from an image of the Glebe Point Bridge (representative of all things urban) to this whimsical rural road trip shot. Symbolic of my acceptance of my not-so-new life in West Bubblefuck.
20. Couch time - Living in my own little corner of the Boy Factory, surrounded by the noise of their shenanigans. There is one place within my lovely little flat where the noise, the rascalling and the minor riots do not affect me.
My comfy, cushiony couch time is so so sweet. Plus purchasing this baby felt like a milestone, like it was further evidence of me being a grown up.
21. The A-Ha moment - and not the 80s one-hit-wonder with the brilliant animated music video. Being a teacher, especially an English teacher in the Boy Factory, I have to attempt to impart some pretty complex concepts. Like irony. Or perspective. Or implied information. But that moment when a kid gets it, the moment when he uses a hardcore analytical term CORRECTLY in conversation or discussion, the unbridled joy in too much to contain. I have been known to punch the air, face twisted in ecstasy, resembling something like a straight haired Elaine from Seinfeld. When one particular kid, who never really showed much affection for the mother tongue,correctly used "it's ironic, isn't it" in a PUB conversation (the year after he graduated, nothing untoward here!) I nearly fell off my barstool!
22. British Chocolate - It is difficult to explain, but chocolate from the British Isles tastes so much better than the Aussie stuff. Sure Cadbury has got their act together recently, with their new recipe and their new Fair Trade angle. But UK chockie is just creamier and meltier and so so sweet. Galaxy Bars can be sent to me, via The Boy Factory at any stage. Feel free.
23. Getting a follower for this here blog - I only have 2. My 2nd arrived today. *HI*!!! I don't know how many people read my less than coherent rangings, but I am a little bit of a sucker for some positive reinforcement...
24. Soda Stream - Making my own soda water does wonders for my life.
a) I don't create so much waste - 7 PET bottles a week was getting a little unruly
b) I get a little bit of fluoride for my teeth
c) I get to make that awesome PSSSSSST noise when I loosen the bottle from the shiny red machine (Red? Moi?)
25. The Gene Genie - In Life on Mars and later Ashes to Ashes, the shining light, the beacon, the blazing flame of resplendent awesomeness is Gene Hunt. Sexist, racist, bigoted, slightly corrupt, alcoholic. As I have previously said, I think he is the petrolhead, cop version of Mr Darcy. Insensitive, proud and sexy as hell.
26. Florence - The singer. As in 'And the Machine'. Not the city. Though the city was fun, with its Piazza del Nudie Rudie, and the Arno River - cause there Are No fish in it (see 7. Bad Puns). But the singer - with the porcelain skin, the flaming red hair and the voice of a dead set angel, who has been smoking a pack a day and drinks Irish whiskey, neat. Lungs is a brilliant album. Great music for any occasion.
27. Wearing stripey socks - Dunno why. I've always liked it. Don't like it so much when The Jealous Bitch (Sparky's dog) chews them up!!!!!! And even though the emo kids have kind have taken over a little bit, I don't care. I still love them!
28. The Oscars - Some divine friends of mine and I have developed a tradition. Each Oscars season, we try to watch as many nominated films as possible. Preparations start in November, as the field starts to take shape. Summer heat can be escaped in the overly cool air conditioned cinema.
Two awards are given - Most Films Seen and Most Films Picked in the tipping comp. Of course, being based in West Bubblefuck leaves me at a distinct disadvantage, what with out much maligned cinema being tres lame.
But of course it lights my ever-so-slightly competitive nature. And despite the fact that the Nine Network have been messing with the scheduling and the editing, I am still pretty enamoured with the whole Oscars Fest season.
29. References to The Wizard of Oz in The Simpsons - arguably the most referenced text in the incredibly awesome pomo animation. And everytime, it cracks me up!
30. Sparky - I guess at this point, representing my current age, and the party that he was instrumental in assisting me with, it might be a good time to mention the bf that makes me laugh. Even when the Boy Factory is getting me down. Even when I'm cranky pants, hungry, tired, disillusioned or feeling beige. Morning, evening, afternoon or wee small hours, this fella is truly a comedian and it was the very first thing that made me feel that first spark. Thanks, gorgeous! (OK, schmultzy part done!)
31. Stationery - Possibly the reason I became an English teacher. Do you know all my over-sized paperclips and teeny weeny staplers are tax deductible? Every trip to The Big Smoke involves a sneaky visit to BOTH kikki-k and Smiggle. And I cannot WAIT until West Bubblefuck gets an Officeworks!! Ah, it truly is the little things, right?
32. The Flames - Up until earlier this year, it had been some time since I had graced the boards of a basketball court. But based on a passing conversation and a loose commitment of "yeah, that sounds like fun!", The Flames were born! Sometimes referred to as The Boy Factory WAGS, this ragtag bunch of enthusiastic players range from the novice to the guru, the PE teacher to the gaspingly unfit. Last season we were PREMIERS... of C Division. We have been promoted and this season so far we are undefeated... But there has been some close calls. It feels great to be back in a team, back in a situation where I can find an outlet for my outrageously competitive nature. And the fact that a few of my team mates have grace, skill and the ability to shoot allows me to hide behind my defensive skills!
33. Fat babies - because skinny ones just aren't as cute. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some bloody GORGEOUS skinny infants, but studies show that fat ones actually make me much cluckier.*
*actual data not available
34. All of Harry Potter except the epilogue at the end of Book 7 - My brother's friend (Hi Dean!) is planning a walk-out at the end of Deathly Hallows Part II so as to avoid seeing that bitterly disappointing epilogue. But all of the rest of it is well constructed narrative, beautifully drawn characters and page-turning writing. Even Chamber of Secrets!
35 The dancing scene out of Little Miss Sunshine -
This scene doesn't just make me grin a little bit. It makes me laugh so hard that I cry. Even when I have seen it about a million times. Even when I am sitting at home alone watching it through my incredibly slow regional wireless internet (no comment Mr Rabbit). Without fail. Brilliant film.
36. Shameless namedropping - CLUNK Did you just hear that? It was the sound of me dropping another name. Like that time that Elle McPherson borrowed my hairbrush? Like that time I was in a lock in with Claire Danes in an enormous argument about the pronunciation of 'foyer' with a lovely Kiwi and a bunch of poms. Like the times I see my uni mates get beaten up or totally naked on Underbelly... It is pretty shameless and narcissistic. But I don't care!
38. Long beaded necklaces, combined with the phrase "La Douche" - I don't quite remember how these got from innocent to entirely filthy in one single conversation in a kitchen in Paddington. But now I cannot see nor hear these things without corpsing like mad.
39. Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars - I have committed to only buying these oh-so-comfy sneakers when they are on sale. Retail price Chucks are for chumps. I have been a bit smitten with this flat footwear for about 17 years now, through all of its incarnations of cool since the mid-90s. Grunge. Stage managing. The emo resurgence. Currently I have only a few in rotation... light blue, navy, red lace-less and ladybug pattern!
40. Squinty McPout - I love the fact that if Helen Hunt and Scarlett Johannson had a daughter, she might look like Renee Zelweger. And she would be known as Squinty McPout
41. Every time Vampire Bill says "Sookie" - it sounds like Sucky. Nothing like a Brit playing an American Vampire from the deep south!
42. Oporto - Fast food done so so well. The day one opened in town I was so so excited. A double fillet Bondi meal with extra extra chilli (when I was in the Big Smoke, it was only extra chilli, but it turns out in West Bubblefuck, the chilli dosage is lower), layered with some chips. There are a few boys from The Factory that work there, and they make it the best. Sometimes when it comes out, the wrapper says "Miss Chop". It's like I am some kind of celebrity
43. Sunsets - West Bubblefuck gets some stunning sunsets. Way better than The Big Smoke. Bigger, more colours, longer time... Though the 360 degree ones at Bondi were pretty fantastic too, I guess!
44. The drum solo in "Laid" - A song that is a favourite with trivia masters everywhere. And the drum break is best played on a steering wheel, with the stereo cranked, on a road trip somewhere.
45. Photo-Leg - The phenomenon of the female form being twisted slightly, front leg raised slightly to rest on the toe, chest thrust out. The kind of pose that chicks think makes them look skinnier. The kind of pose that makes them seem like a vacuous bint, and worthy of ridicule!
46. My espresso machine - As a part of the campaign of I'm A Grown Up Now, So I Need To Spend Money And Buy Stuff, my beautiful little robot was purchased. Gone are the days of plunger coffee and instant crap. When I used to get my fix on the commute, when I live AND work at The Boy Factory, I thought this little toy an entirely necessary gadget for my tiny tiny galley kitchen. My morning saviour... Ah, spoken like a true addict.
47. This photo -
48. Astolat Dayz - Nostalgia has a bad rep. Sentimental, living in the past... Whatever neg you want to throw at it, it has been slung before. I have done more than my fair share of share housing, on both sides of the globe. But my first share house was the best. Me and three fellas from Baxter managed to snaffle a big brick house in a quiet cul de sac, filled with found furniture and cheap crockery. We held cracking parties, did lots of shouting at the television and had epic games of Mortal Kombat. The house had a few different line-ups, and each had its merits. But as usual the original was the best. These boys all have wives now, increasing the pressure for me to find my own wife... In fact, they are the same girls they were together with when we lived together. We are now sprinkled all over the globe. We have only been completely re-united a few times in the last 10 years, but when it happens, it is a little bit like regression and a little bit like perfection. I love those dudes!
49. Frank Gallagher -
Toxic father. Brilliant character. Shameless is yet further evidence as to why the Brits make the best TV in the world.
50. S.T.A.M.P.S. Watches - Having an enormous watch face has an added bonus as a teacher. I can glance at it without giving it away to the Boys at The Factory. But I also like wearing a little bit of art on my wrist. I have 3 - a Barcelona Chair design, a Russian Soviet flag design and the record one pictured below!
to be continued....
