Caution: This post is bound to contain a shedload of mixed metaphors. I haven't even written them yet, but I just know they are floating under the surface. See? There is one already. How can a metaphoric shedload of metaphors, float metaphorically under the non-specified metaphoric surface.
Yes, get on with it!
Sometimes life is tops and awesome. There is love, there is time for playing, there is boozy nights and movies and finding joy in your work and getting full rested nights of sleep. Usually in those snapshot moments, it is difficult to pinpoint, difficult to state explicitly "Right now, right at this moment in time, I am Happy."
Those Perfect Moments (tm) are always easier to pinpoint retrospectively. And in 20-20 hindsight it is so easy to see how grounded you once were. How tethered you felt to your own existence, to your own destiny. How in those moments, the future, the present and the past seem so crystalised, so enlightened, so clear.
Usually the tail of those Perfect Moments (tm) is something totally out of your own control. Increased workload. Bad weather. The potential love of your life telling you that his hopes and dreams are diametrically opposed to your own.
I have always thought that ultimate happiness and fulfilment was a gamble. You need to risk something of yourself in order to gain fully. You need to put yourself out there to love and be loved in order to truly reap the rewards. At some point, you have to put all your chips into the middle of the table, put all your money on the cards you have in your hand. But unlike in gambling, where there is only one winner, I have always seen the potential for an everyone-wins kind of hand. Like both players have a royal flush in hearts.
And I know that goes against the rules of poker. I know that in the card game, there is only one winner. And the danger is that if you push all your chips out there, that your opposition will take all your brighly coloured chips, and your Rolex, and the deeds to your house, and your life savings, as well as your dignity, self-respect and potential to love again, and he will bound giddily away never to be seen from again.
Herein lies the gamble, the risk.
But imagine if your opponent didn't do that. Imagine he (and I use that gendered pronoun loosely, feel free to sub in the gender of your own choosing) also pushed in his chips, his life-savings, his emotional guard, his fears and prejudices and previous heartbreaks. And you both laid your cards on the table, to reveal matching, incedibly high scoring yet even hands.
And you all lived happily ever after.
That might happen one day, right? I guess I am kind of looking for a little reassurance that the crazy Viking cloud ship, with the puffin on the prow, is floating towards some kind of direction. Or at least has a tether somewhere to the ground so that it might not float on forever and ever without stopping. And I am hoping the universe might get back to me on that some time soon.
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